had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
