omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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