Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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