I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
