Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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