found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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