Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it penis luge time yet?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
