my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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