he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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