I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My breasts were aching with rage.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
