I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
