Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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