Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
