ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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