i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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