I accidentally burped into my bong.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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