i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
