Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize