i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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