she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
