Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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