I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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