I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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