I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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