he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
