She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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