barbara walters just said penis...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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