the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
