remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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