I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
