some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
