Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it hurts more in the daytime
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Found the puke drawer
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
