Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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