like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
