I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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