I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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