So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
