she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
