you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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