I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
