it wasn't lemon gatorade
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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