Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
