how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
