@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
