This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.