toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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