Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need a hoe opinion