He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.