R you on birth control?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion