Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
