My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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