Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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