I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
