dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
