Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize