Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
