I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
