Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
