what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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