Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
