So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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