Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
