I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
