paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize