No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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