...so i touched it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
