explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
