it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
