I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
