He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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