i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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