One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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