I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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